LAST LESSON OF WONDERLAND
This tale begins with its ending. Because standing at the gate at MIA waiting to board a flight that would take me to Chicago O'Hare and then home to Sweden – thus ending a month of traveling in the States – my phone started buzzing from incoming messages and the great Wonderland of the West provided one final lesson: That the most important thing we can teach our children is the art of conflict and resolution.
Conflict scares the shit out of us but is a part of life. It's a place of aggression but also where we define our boundaries and become visible to the world – real in some sense.
And after comes resolution.
Resolution is a place beyond our aggressions. The placeholder of the Other. Our common ground. Where we expand our boundaries and grow.
During my last minutes in America an almost-stranger who had nothing to gain but maybe some selfrespect taught me this lesson by coming around, speaking up, meeting on that common ground and bringing about the state of resolution from where it's possible to move on.
And I realized that if we don't teach our children the art of conflict and resolution by showing them how it's done they will live their lives in fear and just keep running in circles.
Resolution is a big deal for me. I'm not afraid of conflict anymore but I am afraid of being left at that table, not met, not heard, lingering alone in that unfinished state of conflict without resolution. So afraid I'll do almost anything.
But when someone just cannot bring themselves to the table they are the ones running in circles. They are the ones trapped by fear.
Those very last minutes of my journey, right before I were to board my flight and go home, this lesson provided one more insight: That when resolution is nowhere to be found because someone just wont come to the table and sit down, there is another art we must know how to practise – the art of letting go.
Letting go of everything. No claims. No baggage. Free of charge.
Because to be free is to be able to walk away from something. Even when you're walking away with nothing.
[That last line is actually not my own. It originates from the brilliant and inspiring The Minimalists.]
Conflict scares the shit out of us but is a part of life. It's a place of aggression but also where we define our boundaries and become visible to the world – real in some sense.
And after comes resolution.
Resolution is a place beyond our aggressions. The placeholder of the Other. Our common ground. Where we expand our boundaries and grow.
During my last minutes in America an almost-stranger who had nothing to gain but maybe some selfrespect taught me this lesson by coming around, speaking up, meeting on that common ground and bringing about the state of resolution from where it's possible to move on.
And I realized that if we don't teach our children the art of conflict and resolution by showing them how it's done they will live their lives in fear and just keep running in circles.
Resolution is a big deal for me. I'm not afraid of conflict anymore but I am afraid of being left at that table, not met, not heard, lingering alone in that unfinished state of conflict without resolution. So afraid I'll do almost anything.
But when someone just cannot bring themselves to the table they are the ones running in circles. They are the ones trapped by fear.
Those very last minutes of my journey, right before I were to board my flight and go home, this lesson provided one more insight: That when resolution is nowhere to be found because someone just wont come to the table and sit down, there is another art we must know how to practise – the art of letting go.
Letting go of everything. No claims. No baggage. Free of charge.
Because to be free is to be able to walk away from something. Even when you're walking away with nothing.
[That last line is actually not my own. It originates from the brilliant and inspiring The Minimalists.]
